Blue Moon Rising: Fanfic: "A Fresh Start" by Hjmugillecuty

RATING: FRC [GF]

SUMMARY: "Sometimes a fresh start would be nice."

SPOILERS: Up to and including "Slouching Toward Bethlehem"

PAIRING: Wes/Fred

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me; they belong to their original creators

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I don't know about anyone else, but I saw definite guilt in Fred's eyes when Wes mentioned fresh starts. Archive permission granted as always to Whole New World and Blue Moon Rising. Enjoy.

Fred's POV:

A fresh start. Can I have one? Can we have one, Wes? I know it's my fault. If I'd been brave enough to follow my heart instead of my hormones, none of this would ever have happened. It's not that I'm completely blaming myself cause Wesley did still have free will, but I feel like I'm to blame for part of this freefall we're in.

If Wesley had never been infected by Billy or if I had been brave enough to show him that I cared even after. Or, if he'd been the one stabbed at the ballet and I had kissed him instead of Charles. I should have been brave. Maybe then when he found the prophecy, he would have come to me or I would have noticed something was wrong and made him tell me. We could have found another way to keep Connor safe and Wesley wouldn't have nearly died and Connor would still be a baby that wouldn't try to kill Angel. And we wouldn't have lost Wes too.

I wish I could tell him I dream about him at night. That in my dreams I chose him. That I replay our one kiss over and over because even though there was violence in it, there was love in it too. In my dreams, he has no scar. In my dreams, he never left us, never left me. Then I wake up and instead of Wes, Charles is there, and I'm trying to run this business to make up for losing Wesley.

I wish we could go back. Back to before the summer. To before we lost Connor. Before the ballet. Before Billy. Back to when he was silently protecting me from the dangers of our world. I still remember how his arms felt around me at Caritas, protecting me from Charles' old friends. It was then that I first hoped he might have feelings for me. He would have died protecting me if he had had to. If I were brave, I would have done something then.

Can we have a fresh start, Wes? A clean slate? I'll go back to Pylea if I have to. If that's what it takes for you to love me again, I'll do it. Or at least come back to us, and we'll try again. I will never say "I'm sorry" enough, but come back so I can start.

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