Blue Moon Rising: Fanfic: "Secrets" by Hjmugillecuty

RATING: FRC [GF]

SUMMARY: Fred's thoughts during "Awakening".

SPOILERS: Up to and including "Awakening"

PAIRING: Wes/Fred

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me; they belong to their original creators

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Quick thanks to Michelle for her help today. Archive permission granted as always to Whole New World and Blue Moon Rising. Enjoy.

Fred's POV:

They've been down there for a while. Wesley, Charles, Cordelia and Connor, they're in the basement watching the shaman remove Angel's soul. We've decided we need Angelus to determine how to defeat the Beast. Angelus, I read about him over the summer and Wesley and Cordelia told us about what he had done in Sunnydale. About the psychological torture he used on Rupert Giles and Buffy Summers. I can hardly believe that we are now unleashing him by choice. But, we have a cage, a strong one, that Angel tested himself. He won't get out. But he'll still be able to speak. Wesley warned us that Angelus would say anything to destroy us.

What might he say? Will he even have to say much? We've been destroying ourselves without his help for a while now. This morning, Charles was ready to take on Wesley just because I expressed my need for him. And the look Wesley gave me when I went to get Wo-Pang his Orange Zinger tea, which gave me tingles all the way to my toes, was probably enough for Charles to start planning murder.

Murder. Now there's something Angelus could bring up. I think Angel noticed us acting strange that night so Angelus could reveal that we killed Professor Seidel. He could use that to cast more suspicion and throw even more tension into the mix.

Even more calculating and devastating would be if Angelus confirms for Charles what Charles has long suspected. That Wesley is in love with me, and even worse, that I am in love with Wesley. Given Charles' possessive nature toward me, I think I'd be frightened for Wesley's life.

I wonder sometimes how we got into this triangle. I've been in love with Wesley for so long, I can hardly remember not being in love with him. But I didn't think he loved me, so I was satisfied with being his friend and being near him. Even when I was dating Charles, I still loved Wesley. I did start to love Charles, but not to the same extent and not nearly as deeply. And that it became habit, being with Charles, something I just couldn't break away from, in part because I had nowhere else to go. But the night that Professor Seidel died I realized that Wesley does love me back and I can always go to him.

Lorne has just gasped, interrupting my thoughts, and motioned to his ears. I strain to listen. There is laughter from the basement. Angelus.

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