If You Never Say Goodbye
by Lara

SUMMARY: Scenes from the apocalypse that never happened.

RATING: FRT [V] [GF]

SPOILERS: Season 4 through "Peace Out".

DISCLAIMER: I only wish I were as successful as Joss Whedon. He and Mutant Enemy own this; I just write fanfic for fun while waiting for my own big break.

DISTRIBUTION: Permission granted to the usual haunts. If anyone else wants to archive it, please let me know.

FEEDBACK: Very much appreciated. Please e-mail lara@darling-moon.com. Flames, however, will be used to fuel the fire in Wesley’s next spell casting session.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: A somewhat AU take on the events of Season Four - this time with a not-so-"happy" ending. Lyrics are from "If You Never Say Goodbye" by P.M. Dawn (and co-written by Chris Carter, creator of The X-Files). While listening to it, I was struck by how close they were to what happened in Season Four and the chorus spawned the image in the final scene that led to this being written.

Legs of a calf, head of a man,
Eyes on the camera, shaking everyone's hand.

The Beast throws Angel across the building lobby as if he is no more than a human-sized bean bag, sending him crashing into the far wall with a rather hideous crack. Gunn's Remington discharges a moment later, but it doesn't even slow the creature down as he makes his way toward the inner sanctum of Wolfram and Hart.

He glances up at the camera following his movement and smirks. Let them know. Grabbing another firm lackey, he wrenches this one's hands from his body in a sickening parody of a handshake and tosses him aside. They can do nothing. His master has seen to that.

Gunn continues loading and firing in vain while Wesley and Fred hurry over to help Angel up from the floor.

"I thought Wolfram and Hart would have been on the Beast's side," Fred says, trying not to look at the carnage the demon has left in his wake - the mutilated bodies of the firm's employees.

"I don't think this thing is on anyone's side," Angel answers.

Turning, Wesley raises his head to scan the multi-level atrium just as a body comes flying over one of the railings above. He pushes both Fred and Angel back out of the way before it hits the floor nearby, head and legs twisted at unnatural angles, the sight of which is enough to cause all three to silently retch.

"Moves fast for something so big," Wesley states once he regains his composure though he's still as pale as Angel.

"Come on," the vampire says, heading for the stairs with Fred and Wesley close behind. Gunn is already ahead of them, still brandishing his weapon, which lights up the dimness when he fires. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but we have to stop him."

*****

Vultures circle and smack their lips.
Sky goes black as the lightning rips.

Fred and Wesley hold their books in front of them like shields as they chant words to open a portal. Fred fights her rising fear at the fact that they are doing this - that they are opening another portal after what happened the last few times she's been faced with them. It has to be done, though. It's the only way. When Wesley steps closer to her, his arm brushing hers, she finds herself focusing on him, on his voice, and continues reading.

Meanwhile, almost directly opposite them, the Beast is chanting a spell of his own as he fends off the attacks of Angel, Gunn and Gwen. The dark-haired thief tries to make a grab for the artifact that he is using, only to drop it when taken out by a chair wielded by the demon. The orb rolls back to him, and Angel suddenly freezes for a moment, apparently remembering something.

Outside, birds circle as though waiting for the kill to happen. Fred and Wesley begin speaking faster, trying to complete the spell before the Beast can finish his ritual. Just as the portal opens, however, the sun starts growing darker.

In a last-ditch effort, Angel tackles the Beast, sending him into the mystical gateway, which closes with a bright flash of light.

But it's too late. The sun has been swallowed up, eclipsed in a black sky.

*****

Stars are mute, moon without pity,
As waves of blood roll over the city.

The city is in chaos.

Gripped by fear and uncertainty about what is going on, people are rioting. Stores and homes are being destroyed. Theft is commonplace. Murders have increased tenfold. And women are better off remaining indoors if they can help it.

The dark of day gives way to a starless night. The moon that appears is a shadow of itself with no light from the sun to reflect, and of course, it doesn't care. It simply moves through the sky in its usual path with no variation, a dim orb replaced in the morning by yet another dim orb.

The vampires are thriving on their newfound dominance. With no daylight to threaten them, the whole of Los Angeles is now their playground, all day, every day. More attacks occur than Angel Investigations or the pockets of other underground demon fighters can ever hope to stop.

There is only one hope to putting all this right.

A certain vampire without a soul.

******

It's not a rehearsal or special effects.
It's the end of the story; it's what happens next.

As Gunn paces behind her, Fred sits at the reception desk, staring at the monitor they have rigged up to observe what is going on in the basement. Within the cage they have welded together, Wesley and Cordelia are standing with Wo-Pang as he performs the ritual that will separate Angel's soul from him, allowing Angelus to take over. This isn't some kind of hoax or game, she knows. This is real. When this is over, their friend will be gone.

She hopes that Wesley is right - that Angelus will provide them with the information they need, the key to getting rid of the Beast and returning light to Los Angeles. The stories she has heard about Angelus frighten her to the point of nightmares, and she once stood up to the demon side of Angel on Pylea. But Angelus, she knows, is far more dangerous because he won't be some mindless, instinctual creature. He will be a knowledgeable, cunning monster.

As Wo-Pang's chanting grows louder, Angel suddenly begins convulsing, crying out something that sounds like a name. The orb sitting by the vampire's head slowly begins brightening until it glows radiantly in the dimness the Shaman has insisted on.

"It's done," she hears him say.

What will happen now?

*****

And I say, and I say,
It's coming any second...

Wesley and Fred stand in the back office, staring at each other across the empty space between them. Their words are awkward as they try to say something to each other without really saying what they want to say, what they can't say because there are people who could hear. And one in particular would use this against them as he has been using everything Angel knows against them since the moment he woke up.

But their attempts to dance around the issue, to make it seem less than it really is, soon fail, and they are both faced with the undeniable truth of the feelings that both of them - for their own reasons - have tried to ignore for so long. Angelus can twist words, but the basis for them is still there. Wesley has always loved Fred, and Fred is in love with the other man who isn't Gunn.

Finally, Wesley can't stand it anymore. This could be the end for them; their next moment might very well be their last the way things are going, and damn if he isn't going to let her know exactly how he feels, how he always has.

Striding forward, he places his hand to her neck and pulls her to him, kissing her fiercely and passionately with everything that he has been forced to contain for the last year. For a moment, he's afraid that she might pull away, but then she responds, returning his kiss with equal fervor until suddenly, she breaks away, looking at him in a way he has never seen.

Before either of them can say a word, a voice unexpectedly comes from out by the reception desk, and the moment is broken. A second stolen. But there is no hiding what has been happening between them anymore.

Even if it means fighting a friend.

*****

And I say, and I say,
In the blink of an eye...

Fred stares at Gunn's back as he walks away. When he spoke, telling her it was over, his voice had been quiet and full of hurt. She knows they had been heading to this place for a long time, but now it seems that it all came to an end so fast. Blink and miss it.

However, her social life has no relevance at this moment. Stopping the Beast is what's important. Squaring her shoulders, she turns as Wesley comes in the door, bringing along a startling guest.

Lilah.

*****

And I say, and I say,
With a bang and a whimper...

It all seems so anti-climatic in a way. After Angelus breaks out and apparently murders Lilah, Wesley decides that they needed Faith, so he goes to the prison to get her. She, of course, agrees to help in her own way - by breaking through supposedly shatterproof glass and jumping out of a second story window with him in tow.

They expect some huge battle in order to take out the Beast in the end. But after a knock-out drag-out fight that leaves Faith battered and bruised and very possibly bleeding internally, all it takes is the knife made from the Beast's own rib wielded by Angelus. One stab, and the Beast dies - albeit in a rather spectacular way - much to the vampire's surprise.

Of course, he is rather upset that the sun comes back out.

*****

And I say, it's okay
if you never say goodbye.

Faith heads for the door with Willow. The battle to capture Angelus so they could restore his soul has been far harder on her than the battle with the Beast, and it shows in the way that she walks.

When she turns around to deliver her parting shot, though, Wesley can see that she is still full of the same cocky confidence that makes her such a fantastic Slayer when all is said and done. She's going to need it in Sunnydale if what Willow has told them is true.

"Next time you guys resurrect Angelus, call me first, okay?"

With that, she walks out the door without saying goodbye.

*****

Son of a child, son of a beast
as it slouches and slithers its way from the feast.

The shock is still palpable even though Cordelia and Connor have left. A baby. They're having a baby. Cordelia and Connor. None of the others can really believe it, especially Lorne, who is kicking himself for not having been able to read the signs of a mystical pregnancy.

None of them can shake the feeling that despite Cordelia's words of comfort, this is all horribly wrong. She said this was different from the last time she had been pregnant, but like that time, the pregnancy is once again accelerated. And again, Wesley can see that Cordy is not acting like herself. Of course, she hasn't been herself ever since she returned from wherever she had been, whatever "higher plane" she had been on.

When he glances over at Fred, sitting on the couch with Lorne, he sees that she is no more comforted by their friend's words than he. With a nod, they silently agree that they'll research this later.

As he rubs his hand across his face, wondering where this might all lead, Yeats' poem suddenly comes to mind.

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

*****

I dreamt a dream, but what could it mean?
Angels in love devour the Queen.

A hand on Wes' shoulder causes him to wake with a start. Disoriented, he looks around to find himself sitting at the office desk with his head down, papers spread out underneath him and Fred standing next to him, concern in her eyes.

"You were having a nightmare."

Was he? He tries to recall and realizes that no, it was more than that. Angels. Love. A Queen. Devouring. It's all a jumble in his mind now.

"It's going to happen soon. Whatever Cordy is carrying - it's not good."

*****

All the people danced, tore at their clothes.
The sky grew fire, and the oceans froze.

Cordy and Connor's child is no demon. But she's not a child either. She's a beautiful woman, tall of stature and full of love. Like a Queen. Everyone adores her immediately upon meeting her - Angel, Connor, Gunn, Lorne, Fred, Wesley. They quickly forget what Cordelia has done to ensure the birth happened - for her child is hope and salvation. And she takes the name of Jasmine after the flowers that grow outside the hotel and that Lorne uses to decorate her room.

Soon people begin coming to her as if part of some dance that Jasmine herself has choreographed. A bow, a curtsey, a bounce in place when she shows someone attention. Anything she asks is done - even going to a room and shedding clothes, never to return again.

When she hurts, so does everyone, especially Fred. She's taken to Jasmine like a young girl to her worshipped older sister. The night Jasmine is injured, Fred blames herself, furiously scrubbing at the other woman's bloodied cardigan until her fingers are raw and cracked.

Unable to get the sweater clean, she goes to Jasmine's room to beg forgiveness, and her world suddenly shatters at the sight she sees. This isn't love. This isn't the promises that have been made. This is a demon, a fraud standing before her, masquerading as peace and joy.

Fred feels hot and cold and sick and giddy all at once as she realizes what she's lost in this moment - and the truth she now knows.

*****

It wasn't a fable; it wasn't a hoax.
It was seventeen devils thinking up jokes.

"I need your help."

Wesley turns to Fred at her words, concern crossing his features when he sees her shifting uncomfortable, fright visible in her brown eyes. He nods and motions her over to the reception desk, out of the center of traffic in the middle of the lobby, but she shakes her head and insists on somewhere more private.

So they head down to the basement, probably the only place in the entire hotel that isn't filled with people. The cell is still there, half-disassembled and then forgotten. Wesley listens as Fred tells him what she has seen and though he makes sympathetic noises and tells her he'll help her, she can see that he doesn't believe her, can hear it in the way he speaks about her. Jasmine's hold is too strong. He thinks she must either be joking...or crazy.

She's not sure if this will work, but her analytical mind has singled it out as the only possibility, given what she was doing before she first saw Jasmine for what she is and what the poor man in the hospital told her earlier.

"I'm sorry, Wesley," she whispers. She doesn't know what else to do, but she can't deal with this alone. Pulling out a knife she palmed from the hospital cafeteria, she grabs Wes' hand and cuts him shallowly across the back of it.

"Fred, what the hell-?" He tries to jerk away, but she holds fast, dropping the knife and pulling out what she has left of Jasmine's cardigan, pressing the bloodied sleeve against the wound she's made.

When Wesley later sees Jasmine, he finds himself wishing that it really had all been a joke.

*****

And I say, and I say,
It's coming any second...

"I think I've found something."

Fred leans over to Wesley as they sit on the floor of his apartment, his books spread around them. This is the only place they where they can have privacy, away from the prying eyes of others. Gunn hadn't even looked at them twice when they ran out of the hotel together, holding hands.

They've been pouring through the books for hours, trying to find any reference to Jasmine, to what she really is and why she might be here. Now Wesley has found a passage that may tell them what they want to know. It's in a language that Fred can't understand, so Wesley translates it for her, his voice low as though sharing some sort of secret, his bandaged hand tracing across the lines.

"Before the time of man, a race of beings unlike any other walked the Earth. These people controlled the forces of magic and nature and brought order, love and peace to the lesser demon races that lived here. They required sacrifices in return." They glance at each other at this, wondering what kind of sacrifice that means before Wesley continues, "When man grew the dominance, the race disappeared until all that was left were fables and whispers, including a promise that one of them would return to exact revenge for their fall."

Fred's eyes are wide as she stares up at Wesley. Jasmine once said she was from an ancient race and came back to help the human race when she saw they had gone astray. Was she actually here for vengeance?

"How do we stop her?"

*****

And I say, and I say,
In the blink of an eye...

Jasmine smiles as she passes among her people, reveling in their love. How she missed this. Thousands of years without the connection, without this peace. It almost makes her forget why she has returned, but she knows she cannot forget. Thousands of years without the connection, without this peace.

Turning, she gazes over everyone in the room, their expressions adoring. She assures them that they will always know her love before she begins glowing bright green.

And in the barest of moments, the room is empty except for her. She lets out a satiated sigh before heading back out to join the others in the lobby.

She has some sad news to deliver to Angel, Gunn and Lorne. They've lost two of their number.

*****

And I say, and I say,
With a bang and a whimper...

When Fred and Wesley return to the Hyperion, they find their friends waiting for them. The lobby is temporarily empty as it's the middle of the night, and everyone has gone to rest.

"Jasmine says you've been infected - that you're plotting against her," Gunn accuses as he, Lorne and Angel move to block them off from the main doors, trapping them between the lobby couch and reception desk.

Fred stops breathing, but Wesley keeps his gaze level and responds for them, "How could you say that? We love Jasmine."

"No."

Everyone turns to watch Jasmine walk down the stairs with Connor behind her, her eyes on Fred and Wesley with an expression of what appears to be pity. A wistful smile plays on her lips. She's still so beautiful to Angel and Gunn and Lorne; however, all Fred and Wesley can see is a horror, an abomination. A hoax parading as something good.

"You've been taken from me," Jasmine says. "I can feel it, and it makes me sad. All I wanted was to give you my love."

"All you want is revenge," Fred cries out despite the hand Wesley places on her arm to try to stop her.

This causes Jasmine's entire visage to change for a moment, and both Fred and Wesley are now certain they've discovered the truth. "My poor Fred, Wesley, I don't know why you believe this, but I won't let you spread your hate to the others." She gestures toward Angel and Gunn. "Lock them up until we can find a way to help them. I don't want them hurt, though."

What happens next goes by in a blur. Wesley moves to protect Fred, pulling out a gun and firing it at Jasmine. The bullet leaves the weapon with a loud bang, ripping through Jasmine and lodging in Angel, who is running to help her.

Angel falls against the couch in the middle of the lobby with a groan, clutching his shoulder. He hears both Wes and Fred telling him to look at Jasmine - to really look at her.

When he does, he sees the truth.

*****

And I say, it's okay
If you never say goodbye.

"Stop them!" Jasmine cries, rousing the others who are staying in the hotel, calling to her people through the connection she has built.

Angel runs over to join Wesley and Fred, pushing them towards the back entrance as he grabs the gun from his friend. He points it at Jasmine, Connor, Gunn and Lorne. He doesn't want to use it, but at the moment, he doesn't see much other choice. Aiming the gun at the floor, he fires right in front of them, causing all of them dive for cover.

Spinning around, Angel runs after the other two, heading out the back entrance to where his car is parked. Wesley is already behind the wheel with Fred beside him, so the vampire jumps in on the passenger side.

"Go!"

The car peels off down the alley with a screech, the three of them glancing back briefly just in time to see Gunn and Lorne reach the spot where they had been just moments before.

*****

I saw a chapel made of gold -
The aisle was so blue, and the air was so cold.

"Are you sure this is what has to be done?"

Wesley nods to Angel and presses his index finger, pricked and bleeding, to the orb he's holding. Within moments, the artifact is glowing continually brighter until a portal appears across the cave. "Find her name. It's the only way to defeat her."

Throwing his shoulders back, Angel looks from Wesley to Fred, knowing this could be their only chance. He takes the orb from his friend and runs through while the two left behind stare at each other. They've just watched their only chance to stop Jasmine disappear. Suddenly, they hear noises outside the cavern and make a run for it.

When Angel emerges on the other side, he finds himself in a place like none he's ever seen. The air is so thick he can see it and so bitter that even he - a member of cold-blooded undead - shivers. He also is face to face with creatures like the one from whom they took the orb. He holds the glowing object up, and immediately they back off, letting him move through.

Before him stretches a path of bluish stones leading up to a golden chapel on a mountain. Without being told, Angel realizes what this place is. This is the temple these creatures built to Jasmine long ago. And this is where he will find her true name.

*****

Terrible sound on a microphone
as the rats kept rhythm on chicken bones.

Fred and Wesley are dragged into the Hyperion lobby by Gunn and Connor and thrown to the floor in front of Jasmine. Her other followers form a circle around them but make no move. Nothing will be done without Jasmine's say-so.

"Do you know what you've done?" Jasmine asks softly though she doesn't give them a chance to answer. "Lock them in the basement. We'll deal with them after the press conference."

Wes and Fred are taken downstairs while the rest of the preparations are made for Jasmine's world debut. Soon, the cameras are rolling, and people around the globe are instantly enamored of this beautiful woman promising them peace and love and everything they could ever want.

Then suddenly, a noise fills the room, causing Jasmine's microphone to go into a feedback loop. As she steps away from the podium in apprehension, a portal appears in the middle of the lobby. Not sure what's going on, Jasmine's followers jump out the way. Angel then emerges, and in his hand is a head, a grotesque face with its mouth sewn closed.

When the ties are cut, one word is spoken, ugly and guttural. And before the eyes of everyone in the world, Jasmine is no longer the beautiful woman she had made everyone believe her to be. Now, they see the monster inside.

*****

People wept, swallowed their jewels,
entered like soldiers, departing as fools.

The cries of betrayal are almost deafening. Where once there was complete and abject devotion, there is only abhorrence and disgust. Everything Jasmine's army has come to believe in has been shown to be a lie. They have been played for fools, they know this now.

And they can't deal with it.

The chaos that accompanied the black-out of the sun doesn't even begin to approach the level of destruction that is starting in the streets of Los Angeles and the rest of the world. The connection is gone, and all that's left now is hatred and a need to avenge a loss felt so deeply, few can resist.

*****

It isn't incentive; it's not a reward.
It's a black parachute with a noose for a cord.

Angel finds Jasmine roaming the street, looking like a little lost girl as fires are set and people fight and blood is spilled everywhere. He calls to her, but when she turns, he finds that she isn't crying and she isn't mad.

She's smiling.

"Don't you think I realized this would happen?" she asks, raising her hands up to indicate to everything going on around her. "Didn't you hear what Wesley and Fred said? They were right. When my people were pushed out from their rightful place as the rulers of this world, all I could think of was that one day - one day - I would return and have my vengeance for that. I wanted everyone to know that perfect love, and then I wanted it taken. I wanted you all to suffer as my people did when they lost everything. Because I knew what would happen."

She lifts her arms higher and laughs.

"You've caused the destruction of your own world, Angel. I tightened the noose, but you kicked the door out from underneath."

*****

And I say, and I say,
It's coming any second...
And I say, and I say,
In the blink of an eye...
And I say, and I say,
With a bang and a whimper...

The fires are growing with each minute. The entire world has been plunged into a downward spiral. And as Wesley and Fred stand at a window on the Hyperion's top floor, all they can do is watch.

"We did the wrong thing, didn't we?" asks Fred, her voice quiet.

Wesley shakes his head. "No...we did what we had to. We just ran out of luck this time. We finally met someone we couldn't beat. Either way, she was going to win."

She turns to gaze up at him, tears and regret in her eyes. "This is it?"

He nods and reaches up to caress her face. There's so much he wants to tell her, but he finds that he can't. It's enough that he's with her here and now.

"Wesley, I-."

"No," he interrupts her, his thumb moving to press gently against her lips, stopping her from what he knows she is about to say. He can't bear the thought of hearing those final words from her. Not now. Not ever. "Don't."

Instead, he leans over and kisses her in the final moments they have together.

And I say, it's okay
If you never say goodbye.

© October 2003

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